I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
