Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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