Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
