i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
