I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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