She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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