I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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