stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
