Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
