yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
