I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
