3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
