the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
