Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
