After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
