My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
