better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
