why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
