all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
