goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
