I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
