i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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