I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
