Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
