Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
