I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize