Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
