two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
