Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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