I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
