What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
