is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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