tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
