Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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