Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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