Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
