I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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