He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
