i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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