Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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