I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
