Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
