I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
