i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sarcasm needs its own font
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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