Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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