This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
