Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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