drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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