New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
