i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
