Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
