I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
