found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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