He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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