So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
