My nipple is on Facebook.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
