Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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