bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
