i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
