i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
