Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
